Why are most marriages ending up in divorce? In the beginning of the marriage, the couple, both the husband and wife are full of excitement over the new life that they are going to live, yet within the process of a few months, when the time comes for them to sacrifice for one another, many marriages end up in divorce.

Many of our brothers and sisters are painfully experiencing the result of choosing a partner that is not patient, loving, trustworthy, respectful and so on.

What should qualities should one look for when choosing a spouse. What characteristics must a person keep his eyes open for, when selecting the appropriate spouse. It is crucial for both the brother and the sister to be cautious of these aspects, either one should not be ignorant of these facts and end up facing the consequences later on.

Allah (SWT) has said in the Quran, a quote that I have opened my Khutbah with, which means:

“O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwa (Eve)], and from them both He created many men and women…”

The husband and wife are one, each being a support for the other. To put everything in to a nutshell, what are the core aspects that person need to look for when a potential brother or sister is seen?

How to avoid the problems or the divorce that is a result of a person’s ignorance?

The Prophet (SAW) said: “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers.”

The Prophet put all the characteristics in a nutshell, the most important characteristic to look for is the religious spouse. This applies both to the brother and to the sister, when it comes to selecticing a spouse.

Don’t just marry your cousin from back home, without checking the person’s religion and character.

If you want to have a guarantee of loyalty from the spouse, then the only way to achieve this loyalty is to marry a person who fears Allah (SWT).

Let me give you a basic formula:

One who fears Allah (SWT), and fears being unjust to the commands of Allah, by being unjust to someone else, is indeed your guarantee that this potential person will be loyal to you for the rest or your life.

The person is kind, loving, merciful, respectful, joyous, exciting, and so on because that person is doing it for the sake of Allah (SWT). Sometimes a husband or a wife are not in the mood, to be you know their n0rmal self, so the only motivating factor they will have is if they do it for the sake of Allah, only wanting to earn the pleasure of Allah. We want appreciation from Allah, and once a person is in pursuit for this, this person will be a person who will granted serenity and peace.

Now religion is the core quality, the most important aspect, no mater how beautiful, rich, or handsome that potential brother or sister looks, never ever compromise with the person’s religion. Obviously, to achieve religious spouse, one must be religious themselves. Allah (SWT) only grants a good doer to one who is a good doer themselves. Don’t expect that a person who is involved in worthless activities, will be able to find a religious, upright, and loyal spouse.

So educate yourself, so you know what my definition for religion exactly means. Do it for the sake of Allah and don’t let yourself in to your desires.

Based on religion, the most important traits to look for is:

-Morals

-Upright character and speech

-Practicality

-Stability

-Shyness from sins

-Knowledge or at least a thirst for knowledge

Why on earth, would the Prophet (SAW) give Uthman both of his daughters out of all of the companions had?

Uthman (RA) was a unique individual, who possessed all of the qualities that I have mentioned. First Uthman (RA) married Ruqqayah (RA)….. Tell story.

After the death of Umm Kulthum; Uthman once again became a victim of despair and disconsolation. Touched by the sadness of Uthman, the Holy Prophet asked the people:  

"Give your daughters in marriage to Uthman. If I had a third daughter, I would assuredly give her in marriage to him. I have never wedded any daughter to him save under inspiration."  

The Prophet said to Uthman: "If I had forty daughters, I would have wedded them with you one after the other, until no one of them was left".  

There is no point for a person to make beauty, money, or status a main focal point when choosing a spouse. Of course, after one has improved his own religion, then rigorously studied the religion and manners of the possibly potential brother or sister, then a person can have a personal preference to beauty, or anything else.

Many times, we fall prey to our desires and we forget the most important aspect of marriage, and that is mainly religion and manners. Manners are as important as religion, for indeed a person cannot have religion and have bad manners.

We should ourselves, make sure that we check the religion of the other person. Many occasions, the parents of the brother and the sister force them in to marriage with someone they prefer, and they don’t even know if the person even prays five times a day.

Therefore, the most crucial requirement for a person when it comes to successfully selecting a spouse, is that the person never compromises in the tenants of faith. We first love Allah (SWT), then His Prophet Muhammed (SAW), and afterwards comes the love for anyone else.

2^nd Khutbah

Practical steps that we can take in finding a good spouse:

1-     Sincerity to Allah (SWT)

2-    Dua

3-    Knowledge

4-    Improvement of one’s self, in religion and manners

5-    Trust in Allah

6-    Brothers be able to provide a certain stability to the wife, extravagance is not necessary

7-    Simplicity and straight forwardness, no crookedness

8-   Istikhara (seeking Allah's councel) and consultation

9-    Avoidance of indulging in haram means

10- Goals

11- Patience

12- Balance

The Prophet (SAW) said: “Whoever loves for the sake of Allah, hates for the sake of Allah, gives for the sake of Allah, and withholds for the sake of Allah has completed his faith"

I pray to Allah (SWT) to make us righteous, steadfast, patient, and knowledgeable. I pray to Allah to grant our single brothers and sisters, pious and righteous spouses. May Allah remove the filth from our hearts, and make us pure in our hearts, in our thinking, our speech and in our actions.